When does a person start “Feeling Old”?

Originally published in my Facebook post Aug 4 2021.

Screenshot of me at For The People’s event Bloom, Dec 4 2021

I feel old.

I know I'm not old. I get it.

But when you've gone up against as much as I have, and then you look into the faces of people who are new and fresh to the movement and have no clue of the viciousness they're about to deal with, it makes you feel old.

The world is full of people who want to do right.

The world is also full of people who want to do right but don't have any idea of what right actually is and no practice or understanding of independent thought (no matter what their ego has convinced them) so whatever the "cool" people around them say is right, they go with that and have no idea of the damage they're doing.

The world is also full of people who want to do "right" as long as everyone else thinks what they're doing is right, not as long as it actually IS right.

The world is also full of people who are fine with doing right as long as it doesn't interfere with their comfort and privilege, which is to say, they do no right.

The world is also full of people who will actively oppose right because it interferes with their comfort and privilege - and they will present themselves as victims.

The world is also full of people who want to do right as long as they're the only one seen to do right and no one else gets any credit because they are the celebrity "hero".

The world is also full of people who will take right, co-opt it, twist it to serve their own needs, and laugh all the way to the bank while they present themselves as martyrs to the public.

The world is also full of people who will laugh at the idea of doing "right" and take pleasure in destroying that idea. They exist. Their behavior comes from trauma, of course, as most people's behavior comes from trauma because almost no one has healed yet. That reality is always there and always will be there until we create healing opportunities and the people actually take those opportunities to heal of their own free will, not as any kind of punishment or force.

Right now I'm getting a lot of fresh-faced and excited people who are bursting with ideas and joy and enthusiasm and it's wonderful and it's also making me feel old. They have no idea what they're up against which means I'm going to have to teach them and they won't believe me because no one ever believes me and they're going to make a giant amount of mistakes and mess up all the careful work I've put into place and then I'll have to fix it or teach them how to fix it and I feel old.

None of that is even counting all the mistakes I myself have made and continue to make, because I was once new and excited and fresh-faced on and on.

Resources:

Please watch my presentation: https://www.zarnajoshi.com/hindu-colonial-trauma

For The People’s 2021 event Bloom: https://youtu.be/Uhgcekixdu8

Contribute to my organizing: https://www.zarnajoshi.com/contribute